A friend reached out in love and I said yes to her offer to join her family this morning in celebration.

First impressions are a big deal and I was excited to hear the message focused on community and God’s kingdom. I like their vision:

I took communion for the first time in months. This place is close to my house and has two services with childcare. Maybe this is where God is leading me in this next season. I didn’t feel any pressure this morning except to reconsider where I can dig deeper in my own heart. At this point I am on my knees, waiting and listening.

Some days are better than others. Not every day is rose colored. I am learning in my diversity class that discomfort is a place we can grow in. I don’t always need to feel comfortable. This is one space I use to try and make sense of my discomfort.

Recently the doors closed at a church I love. It was at that final service I heard one of many songs I love, but was unable to sing all the words. They ring so true, that every time I attempted to sing them I choked up. The following of God requires trust and faith that I don’t always seem to have. Not in a moment when I realize this church family won’t be gathered together like this again. That this closure is permanent.

At the same moment these folks will scatter, a friend is diagnosed with cancer. A father, a son, a man who is showing no signs of sickness. And so I want to gather the church and insist they stay open or that we continue to gather because we will need each other in this next season to hold each other up.

I don’t feel like the words on my shelf:

It is what I want, but not how I feel.

And yesterday I sat in my car, barely able to crack this book open that I love and read twice already. I can’t get past the first word in the title, let alone the pages contained within. It is my essential prayer: Help.

Even as I walk the campus of the elementary school I taught for the first time since leaving (yesterday). Happy to see old faces and missing the children more than I thought I could. Wondering if I made the right choice. Joking about coming back as a substitute. I feel lost. I am wandering.

I remember Jim’s prayer a couple weeks back. I feel like those who wandered in the desert. I know that some days we blindly trust, we question, we experience discomfort, and the unseen promises are kept.

Long Beach has been reaching one hundred degrees which means I refuse to turn on the oven and cooking becomes exhausting before it has even begun.

And then I remembered fresh basil in the windowsill and a panini press in the cupboard. Inspiration comes easy in the heat.

Cold salad, cold fruit, and a warm sandwich is a definite hit for a school night dinner.

Did I mention dessert? Ice cream sandwiches from SF.

Don’t you just love the title. Sums up how I feel, including the period.

Unintentionally opened this book today and found created a full thirty minutes to dig in, outside of readings for homework and preparing to teach.

However, I am not willing to dismiss the book title and day as pure coincidence, because the title truly speaks to my heart.

A few weeks ago this was the first podcast I ever listened to (gasp!) and can now see why folks get addicted. The author Tsh Oxenreider was interviewing Emily. Her down to earth, North Carolina spirit drew me in. Plus, this book is in my “wheelhouse”  or thematic attraction to slowing down.

I’m only a few chapters in and highly recommend it.

The hotel was literally across the street with this escalator and attached “sky bridge” as an entrance.

Everywhere I looked I saw the color blue and big smiles.

Okay, maybe not on George, but that was only his frown for the camera. He doesn’t want to be told when to smile.

Slowly, I am being converted by the pressure of these folks to enjoy myself at this great American pastime.

It helps to have the eager excitement of this guy in my lap or at my side. He asks a ton of questions which someone else has to answer, but I sure learn a lot about what is going on.

These two sat and whispered at the end. They didn’t require much attention at all. They sat captivated by the game.

Meanwhile Olivine ate a ton of snacks and spent a portion of her time practicing opening sunflower seeds like a squirrel.

Dodgers won and who knows…maybe this row brings a bit of a good luck charm. 

Seems like when we are there, they win.

This time our seats were in the shade and that made the experience a thousand times more comfortable and enjoyable.

The windows in our rooms (next door to one another) were awe-inspiring.

So much to see “over there” and “down there” with trains, the bay, and all the people. A busy space to play “I-spy”.

The light looked glowing at sunset.

Even surprise fireworks on Saturday night.

I could have sat at the window longer, just staring out over the city.

Two pools and twenty floors high. We were right in the middle, on the 10th floor.
We spent an afternoon at the sixth floor pool. I am surprised at how easily I lay down, trusting my kids are good in the water while I chill out on the sidelines. I think I was spoiled in Palm Springs. I like to think of it as my thirty minute vacation, within the larger vacation where I exhale and empty my brain of list making.
It helps when papa is in the water and the entire pool is 3 and half feet deep.
The filter Joe used is in theme with the Dodgers.

This was right downtown with plenty to see and do in the Gaslamp District.

Mimi had a student refer this pizza shop. Yum! Yelp reviews were accurate: good food, good prices, but not the best service.

We mostly care about good food.

Oh and good dessert. So within walking distance from our place we found macaroons

in colorful flavors

and gelato to fill up on.

We did walk around and if we had more time might have gone into the Children’s Museum. Although free is so much better.

This playground was close by and there was plenty of shade.

I always feel like once I am there, I want to stay longer. Maybe that is a good thing.

It leaves me wanting to plan another trip. San Diego is so close to Mexico, I feel like next time, we might as well plan on crossing the border. Or including Legoland in a trip.

We are also thinking this is the best way to wrap up summer. Sounds like a great excuse to create a new tradition. Get out of town Labor Day weekend, before school is in full swing.

We will wrap Mario’s September birthday in to every trip. His shirt hints at the real reason for this trip.

This was our first ever road trip with another family and besides traffic, the trip was a success.

We had snacks, a map and some Frank Sinatra tunes.

Can you guess who my twin was?

Yup, coordinated outfits may be the hottest new trend in our house this season.

All those hours of experience in the classroom, commuting while listening to NPR, collaborating with colleagues, and growing in my identity as the “bread winner” of our family can’t really compare to these days. I am grateful for those days, but no one told me it would get better.

With this chatty-chatty three year-old insisting on making her own sandwich. I find myself looking at the clock, aware of the classroom routines I would instead be doing. Lunch would have happened and math would be starting. But instead I get to be here…at my kitchen table, sitting across from my baby who is suddenly a kid. Before I am able to get too sentimental, I show back up in the present moment. Where she is now entertaining me with skills she has learned from her father. “Look momma, I can catch this in my mouth like a seal.” In her words I hear the many adventures to the aquarium with her father absent of sadness and filled with pride. Just like it should be.

I am in transition and sincerely less tearful than I thought I would be. Maybe I am the only one surprised. I am walking around a little in disbelief and very happy. Dumb happy. Where I smile at strangers (if you know me, you know I don’t smile a lot) and strike up small talk (another out of character trait). So yes, this has a name that socially we all agree is called the “honeymoon” phase. But that is fine. Because like being a newlywed, it’s a giddy delight that feels goofy and beautiful all at the same time.

It truly is a testament to God’s sovereignty and promises. I feel like I couldn’t have developed a better plan for my career, marriage, or life if I had sat down with pen and paper given free range of resources and time. I feel blessed to have the gift of time to pour back into my kids. And yes, for this working mother taking my kids to school feel like a privilege. I know it won’t always feel this good. If I could bottle it up and save it for those future moments of frustration and impatience to release into the atmosphere I would. That is the anxiety talking.

So what do I do? Keep my camera nearby to snap our very ordinary moments from this week and say prayers over them. Thank you God, for a daughter who makes doing the laundry a game. She giggles as she drops the coins in the slots and watches the clothes spin in the dryer. Teaching me by example that perspective is everything.

When it’s finally done drying she divides up tasks like a drill sergeant. She wants me to fold and she will “hunt for the treasure trash” (aka dryer sheet) and then hold them close to her nose describing “smells so good I could eat this.”

The time passes quickly but not before giving thanks. This season that I know can’t last forever feels priceless. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

We managed to coordinate our schedules well with Coach Joe setting the time frame.

Between my two classes at city college, I have a break and am able to catch a chunk of practice.

This will be true of Saturday games, I can attend every other game when I am not in class.

With kindergarteners it is a field of chaos with laughter and cheering from families.

Plenty of water breaks because pink cheeks appear even in the shade.

The siblings create their own forms of entertainment under the leadership of Paul. Everyone gets their energy out so that afterwards they eat dinner, bath, and head to bed.

Next order of business for soccer: team name. They are the color blue. Any suggestions?