Yes I watched this film finally and cried my eyes out. I had heard about the casting of the boy and his growth on screen as it was shot over multiple years. I was curious.
So Saturday night I watched the movie and on Sunday found myself noticing all the ways my boy is growing into his own personality. We rode bikes at Cabrillo Beach. Henry would charge up ahead forcing me to call out his name or run faster to keep up. Meanwhile Paul lingered and never went too far ahead. When we stopped to rest he grabbed my hand and sat at my side, expressing his appreciation for our afternoon spent outdoors.
My heart tugs, wanting so bad to hang onto this eight year old boy.
Then on Monday he came down with a fever of 104 and seeing how quickly his smile fades, he is lethargic, and uninterested in food. He lets me hold him and asks to sleep near my bed.
I remember how scared and nervous I was when he was a newborn baby. The weight of responsibility to be a parent. It comes flooding back. I realize my parenting isn’t ever done. I will watch him battle sickness, heart break, disappointment, and all I want is to protect him from it all.
Meanwhile, he is thankfully unaware and mostly enjoying the attention. He is home while others are at school. He has my undivided attention. He is living in the moment, finding the silver lining, and I have to come back to the present. The future can overwhelm me.